Stephanie and Josh: Love’s Growing Pains II

Indiana

One evening, after a week of restless nights, Stephanie decided that she would ignore her fears and worries and call Josh. What’s the worst that could happen? At most, he’d politely decline and then I’d get some sort of closure here, she mused.  Trembling with anxiety, she dialed his number and listened anxiously as the phone began to ring. Sweat beads were already forming on her forehead and she wondered if she was not really being silly in attempting to reconnect with a guy she had unceremoniously let go five years earlier.

“Hello?” replied a female voice on the other end.

Stephanie felt like hanging up the phone immediately. This must be his girlfriend or fiancée, she thought. How incredibly silly she had been to call at this time of the day. She should have gone to his job—at least if he was there, and he recognized her, that would be better than having to explain herself to some random stranger over the phone. These thoughts were dashing around madly in her mind when she mustered the courage to speak after a long pause.

“Hi, my name is Stephanie. Please, I am trying to reach Josh. Is this his correct phone number?” she blurted out trying to sound as formal as possible.

“Hi Stephanie.  Please if I may be so bold, what is this in reference to? He is a little occupied now” replied the female voice excitedly.

Stephanie could hear the pitter patter of feet scampering in the background. Then she could hear an unmistakable manly voice.

“Give me my phone now!” the male voice demanded.

“No, you come get it” the female voice replied laughing.

Stephanie could faintly make out that the lady on the other end of the line was running around the living room with the phone while the man gave chase. Stephanie could not take it any longer. She felt like she was an unnecessary intrusion into another man’s life. Then she sadly ended the call. After what felt like a long time (but it really was like five minutes), her phone rang.

“Hello”, she replied dryly.

“Yes, someone called my phone from this number a few minutes ago but my sister was toying with the phone and she made me miss the call. So who is this again?” replied the male voice.

“My name is Steph…” she started to say.

“Stephanieeeeeeeeeeeee. Is it really you?” Josh shouted.

“Yes! Long time Josh. How have you been? You sound happy” Stephanie replied.

“Of course I am. What did you think? It’s been five years!” Josh intoned.

On and on, they talked for well over two hours. At first, it was awkward because no sooner had they started to chat than memories of their painful breakup started to flood back to their minds. To make matters worse for Stephanie, Josh pretended that he was still bummed out by Stephanie’s rejection five years ago. He recounted the events as faithfully as he could remember; taking special delight, in between hearty chuckles, to remind Stephanie that she was the one who had ended the relationship earlier. Soon afterwards, they began to connect as the awkwardness disappeared. Stephanie felt more at ease when she tactfully asked and was informed that Josh was still single. She narrated her story, taking special care to omit her extensive dating history. Apparently, Josh was finishing up in medical internship and was thinking of moving to a big city to practice there. He was not currently attached to any girl even though he had a few close female friends. On and on and on….

They called each other several times over the next few weeks.

Meanwhile, Stephanie kept on wondering why Josh was not eager to ask her out on a date. He had not even as much as suggested that he wanted her to be his girlfriend again even though they now discussed the most intimate things. What’s more? He had not even thought of asking her to visit him at home, nor has he suggested that he would visit her. Why was he seemingly blinded to all the subtle overtures she had been making these past two weeks” She knew that she did not want to appear desperate, pushy or overly aggressive,  but she knew she had to act fast while there was still time or their relationship would permanently slip into the friendship zone. She had to find a way to make a love connection, she thought, before it became virtually impossible to make him think or view her in any other light other than that of a long-lost but now thankfully recovered ex-lover. If she had come this far, and made these in-roads already, she would be very disappointed if she did not pursue this to its logical conclusion.

At any rate, what kind of guy was Josh? It is true that he was tall, athletic and handsome and seemed to have made something of himself professionally, but what sort of man was he? How did he regard the “fairer sex”? What was his dating life like before Stephanie came back into the picture?

The truth was that after Josh got dumped by Stephanie, something tender, naïve and innocent died in him. In its place was the wily wit and words of a seasoned car salesman, the most charming smile with which he effortlessly ingratiated himself to the bevy of ladies that seemed to run after him, and a manipulative, difficult-to-read exterior. He became the quintessential ladies man. And boy, did he leave a few women heartbroken in the past! Rarely does nature conspire to deposit in one specimen of the male species such physical attractiveness, such finesse and sophistication and such old-fashioned street-smarts. He exploited it to the hilt, having decided that it was probably impossible for him to ever fall in love again.

One day, as Stephanie and Josh were bonding on the phone, Stephanie casually remarked:

“Do you realize that we have been talking to each other for 3 weeks now and I don’t even know where you live?”

“I wasn’t aware that you wanted to know where I live. Who are you—the IRS?” he replied jokingly

“Joshhhh! Be serious. You play too much” Stephanie replied feigning annoyance at Josh’s antics.

“Hey easy tigress, it is not like you offered to show me your place and I declined” Josh said laughing.

“You didn’t ask for it. Ok, don’t you want to see what I look like now?” Stephanie queried.

“I think you have put on a lot of weight. Who knows, you might be walking with a limp these days. If you want to convince me otherwise, come and pick me up after work on Friday” Josh answered.

They both laughed about his last comment. Stephanie knew that he didn’t actually mean that last comment. In any case, if he did, then he would be pleasantly surprised when he sees her because she had managed to keep her figure; she was still attractive by any standard.

“Ok, deal! See you on Friday” she said.

She knew that she had to look even more ravishing than she currently did if she was to make a lasting first impression. Stephanie was not dumb. She knew that she faced a very stiff opposition from other women who wanted Josh—if not for the fact that he was a medical doctor, then for his boyish good looks and his superlative sense of style.

Friday came, 2 days later, but it was ample time for Stephanie to have visited her beauticians or to have gone shopping for clothes and accessories. She was looking remarkably elegant when she drove up to Josh’s workplace. Work over, exhausted and in need of a shower, Josh grabbed his things to go home when he remembered that he had a date with Stephanie. He fumbled in his pocket for his phone as he walked down the hospital stairs towards the exit. His aim was to call Stephanie and ask her to delay her coming so that he’d have enough time to go home to freshen up. As he came to the main entrance lobby, there standing in elegant and effulgent apparel was Stephanie with a half-amused expression on her face.

Josh stood still as if he was struggling to absorb the glorious spectacle that confronted his eyes. In his mind, he was trying to remember if at any time in their past, he had ever seen her as dazzling as she was today. He whistled in surprise, but rather than stretch out a hand for a handshake, or go for a hug, he just stood transfixed to the spot staring at her. He slowly started to smile, and Stephanie who was suddenly feeling self-conscious because Josh’s inexplicable motionless paralysis had started to draw attention, asked:

“Like what you see? My car’s outside, but gosh, you look really worn out”

“Actually, I was going to call to ask you to come later after I might have freshened up. Seeing you now, I really feel terrible that I had not adequately prepared myself for the date” Josh said as they walked to her car.

Stephanie looked at his face and seeing the handsome earnestness in his eyes, was touched by the simple sincerity of his apology. “How keen those eyes were!” she thought. It was a Friday, and if things go according to her plan, she would be with him for the whole weekend. That was a good way to start rekindling amorous fires.

“All right. But you owe me one. Hop into the car, Doc” she said matter-of-factly, trying hard to disguise her excitement.

“No, I’ll drive” said Josh with an air of finality.

A few minutes later, Josh and Stephanie, were driving—not to Stephanie’s place, like was previously agreed but to Josh’s house.

What sort of riotous weekend would this be? What lies in store for me? Would I find myself falling back madly in love with him again? Could this really be the beginning of something new and beautiful? What if his sister was at his house? What if she doesn’t like me? What if….

A thousand thoughts chased themselves around in Stephanie’s mind as they drove on that summer evening to Josh’s house.

Related Reading:

Stephanie and Josh: Love’s Growing Pains

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Stephanie and Josh: Love's Growing Pains II

One evening, after a week of restless nights, Stephanie decided that she would ignore her fears and worries and call Josh. What’s the worst that could happen? At most, he’d politely decline and then I’d get some sort of closure here, she mused.  Trembling with anxiety, she dialed his number and listened anxiously as the phone began to ring. Sweat beads were already forming on her forehead and she wondered if she was not really being silly in attempting to reconnect with a guy she had unceremoniously let go five years earlier.

“Hello?” replied a female voice on the other end.

Stephanie felt like hanging up the phone immediately. This must be his girlfriend or fiancée, she thought. How incredibly silly she had been to call at this time of the day. She should have gone to his job—at least if he was there, and he recognized her, that would be better than having to explain herself to some random stranger over the phone. These thoughts were dashing around madly in her mind when she mustered the courage to speak after a long pause.

“Hi, my name is Stephanie. Please, I am trying to reach Josh. Is this his correct phone number?” she blurted out trying to sound as formal as possible.

“Hi Stephanie.  Please if I may be so bold, what is this in reference to? He is a little occupied now” replied the female voice excitedly.

Stephanie could hear the pitter patter of feet scampering in the background. Then she could hear an unmistakable manly voice.

“Give me my phone now!” the male voice demanded.

“No, you come get it” the female voice replied laughing.

Stephanie could faintly make out that the lady on the other end of the line was running around the living room with the phone while the man gave chase. Stephanie could not take it any longer. She felt like she was an unnecessary intrusion into another man’s life. Then she sadly ended the call. After what felt like a long time (but it really was like five minutes), her phone rang.

“Hello”, she replied dryly.

“Yes, someone called my phone from this number a few minutes ago but my sister was toying with the phone and she made me miss the call. So who is this again?” replied the male voice.

“My name is Steph…” she started to say.

“Stephanieeeeeeeeeeeee. Is it really you?” Josh shouted.

“Yes! Long time Josh. How have you been? You sound happy” Stephanie replied.

“Of course I am. What did you think? It’s been five years!” Josh intoned.

On and on, they talked for well over two hours. At first, it was awkward because no sooner had they started to chat than memories of their painful breakup started to flood back to their minds. To make matters worse for Stephanie, Josh pretended that he was still bummed out by Stephanie’s rejection five years ago. He recounted the events as faithfully as he could remember; taking special delight, in between hearty chuckles, to remind Stephanie that she was the one who had ended the relationship earlier. Soon afterwards, they began to connect as the awkwardness disappeared. Stephanie felt more at ease when she tactfully asked and was informed that Josh was still single. She narrated her story, taking special care to omit her extensive dating history. Apparently, Josh was finishing up in medical internship and was thinking of moving to a big city to practice there. He was not currently attached to any girl even though he had a few close female friends. On and on and on….

They called each other several times over the next few weeks.

Meanwhile, Stephanie kept on wondering why Josh was not eager to ask her out on a date. He had not even as much as suggested that he wanted her to be his girlfriend again even though they now discussed the most intimate things. What’s more? He had not even thought of asking her to visit him at home, nor has he suggested that he would visit her. Why was he seemingly blinded to all the subtle overtures she had been making these past two weeks” She knew that she did not want to appear desperate, pushy or overly aggressive,  but she knew she had to act fast while there was still time or their relationship would permanently slip into the friendship zone. She had to find a way to make a love connection, she thought, before it became virtually impossible to make him think or view her in any other light other than that of a long-lost but now thankfully recovered ex-lover. If she had come this far, and made these in-roads already, she would be very disappointed if she did not pursue this to its logical conclusion.

At any rate, what kind of guy was Josh? It is true that he was tall, athletic and handsome and seemed to have made something of himself professionally, but what sort of man was he? How did he regard the “fairer sex”? What was his dating life like before Stephanie came back into the picture?

The truth was that after Josh got dumped by Stephanie, something tender, naïve and innocent died in him. In its place was the wily wit and words of a seasoned car salesman, the most charming smile with which he effortlessly ingratiated himself to the bevy of ladies that seemed to run after him, and a manipulative, difficult-to-read exterior. He became the quintessential ladies man. And boy, did he leave a few women heartbroken in the past! Rarely does nature conspire to deposit in one specimen of the male species such physical attractiveness, such finesse and sophistication and such old-fashioned street-smarts. He exploited it to the hilt, having decided that it was probably impossible for him to ever fall in love again.

One day, as Stephanie and Josh were bonding on the phone, Stephanie casually remarked:

“Do you realize that we have been talking to each other for 3 weeks now and I don’t even know where you live?”

“I wasn’t aware that you wanted to know where I live. Who are you—the IRS?” he replied jokingly

“Joshhhh! Be serious. You play too much” Stephanie replied feigning annoyance at Josh’s antics.

“Hey easy tigress, it is not like you offered to show me your place and I declined” Josh said laughing.

“You didn’t ask for it. Ok, don’t you want to see what I look like now?” Stephanie queried.

“I think you have put on a lot of weight. Who knows, you might be walking with a limp these days. If you want to convince me otherwise, come and pick me up after work on Friday” Josh answered.

They both laughed about his last comment. Stephanie knew that he didn’t actually mean that last comment. In any case, if he did, then he would be pleasantly surprised when he sees her because she had managed to keep her figure; she was still attractive by any standard.

“Ok, deal! See you on Friday” she said.

She knew that she had to look even more ravishing than she currently did if she was to make a lasting first impression. Stephanie was not dumb. She knew that she faced a very stiff opposition from other women who wanted Josh—if not for the fact that he was a medical doctor, then for his boyish good looks and his superlative sense of style.

Friday came, 2 days later, but it was ample time for Stephanie to have visited her beauticians or to have gone shopping for clothes and accessories. She was looking remarkably elegant when she drove up to Josh’s workplace. Work over, exhausted and in need of a shower, Josh grabbed his things to go home when he remembered that he had a date with Stephanie. He fumbled in his pocket for his phone as he walked down the hospital stairs towards the exit. His aim was to call Stephanie and ask her to delay her coming so that he’d have enough time to go home to freshen up. As he came to the main entrance lobby, there standing in elegant and effulgent apparel was Stephanie with a half-amused expression on her face.

Josh stood still as if he was struggling to absorb the glorious spectacle that confronted his eyes. In his mind, he was trying to remember if at any time in their past, he had ever seen her as dazzling as she was today. He whistled in surprise, but rather than stretch out a hand for a handshake, or go for a hug, he just stood transfixed to the spot staring at her. He slowly started to smile, and Stephanie who was suddenly feeling self-conscious because Josh’s inexplicable motionless paralysis had started to draw attention, asked:

“Like what you see? My car’s outside, but gosh, you look really worn out”

“Actually, I was going to call to ask you to come later after I might have freshened up. Seeing you now, I really feel terrible that I had not adequately prepared myself for the date” Josh said as they walked to her car.

Stephanie looked at his face and seeing the handsome earnestness in his eyes, was touched by the simple sincerity of his apology. “How keen those eyes were!” she thought. It was a Friday, and if things go according to her plan, she would be with him for the whole weekend. That was a good way to start rekindling amorous fires.

“All right. But you owe me one. Hop into the car, Doc” she said matter-of-factly, trying hard to disguise her excitement.

“No, I’ll drive” said Josh with an air of finality.

A few minutes later, Josh and Stephanie, were driving—not to Stephanie’s place, like was previously agreed but to Josh’s house.

What sort of riotous weekend would this be? What lies in store for me? Would I find myself falling back madly in love with him again? Could this really be the beginning of something new and beautiful? What if his sister was at his house? What if she doesn’t like me? What if….

A thousand thoughts chased themselves around in Stephanie’s mind as they drove on that summer evening to Josh’s house.

Related Reading:

Stephanie and Josh: Love’s Growing Pains

Stephanie and Josh: Love’s Growing Pains III

BuniBuni: A Short Poem

A gentleman by the name of Mr Templa wrote a little poem about the Bunibuni  site especially the chat room there, and he has decided to share it with the public. I suspect that this poem may feature on the Bunibuni fan pages, or on the walls of some of the Bunibuni chat room regulars. Please enjoy!

BUNIBUNI

Buni Buni a virtual world but made into reality by people

A thing of an imagination but brought to life by one’s dream

A place where color, gender or race knows no bond

A place of interaction and learning

Conflicting views erupt but subside within minutes

A small place but big enough to contain many hearts

A place of comfort for the lonely heart

A place where everything looks plain on the surface

But great things are going on behind the scenes

Flirting is part of this world; seriousness is not too far away,

Smartness is a rule, but not for all

A 24-hr life circle which never seems to ceases to function

A place that brings out the real and the fake side of humans

A place where the thoughts of one’s soul are expressed with the fingers

And the thoughts of the heart expressed with words of mouth

The cam gives the opportunity to place a face to the finger

And the mouth which speak forth from the abundance of the heart

A plain field why people of different cultures and backgrounds come

Together to interact on a common ground.

BuniBuni: A Short Poem

A gentleman by the name of Mr Templa wrote a little poem about the Bunibuni  site especially the chat room there, and he has decided to share it with the public. I suspect that this poem may feature on the Bunibuni fan pages, or on the walls of some of the Bunibuni chat room regulars. Please enjoy!

BUNIBUNI

Buni Buni a virtual world but made into reality by people

A thing of an imagination but brought to life by one’s dream

A place where color, gender or race knows no bond

A place of interaction and learning

Conflicting views erupt but subside within minutes

A small place but big enough to contain many hearts

A place of comfort for the lonely heart

A place where everything looks plain on the surface

But great things are going on behind the scenes

Flirting is part of this world; seriousness is not too far away,

Smartness is a rule, but not for all

A 24-hr life circle which never seems to ceases to function

A place that brings out the real and the fake side of humans

A place where the thoughts of one’s soul are expressed with the fingers

And the thoughts of the heart expressed with words of mouth

The cam gives the opportunity to place a face to the finger

And the mouth which speak forth from the abundance of the heart

A plain field why people of different cultures and backgrounds come

Together to interact on a common ground.

Gunners Vs Blaugrana

The entire soccer world is getting ready for tomorrow’s UEFA Champions league face-off between Arsenal and FC Barcelona. Arsenal comes to this match with a lot of confidence following their consistently good performance in the EPL of late. Besides, they’ll be coming out to avenge their disgraceful loss to the Blaugrana boys in the same tournament last year. If you can remember, the gunners came to that game bragging and threatening to dunt FC Barcelona a good clattering. When they were beaten 4-1 convincingly by an unstoppable force of nature called Lionel Messi, they had to learn the hard way that when Barcelona is your opponent, there is no need for empty boasts and an exaggerated show of confidence.

Arsenal prides herself as being the team in the EPL that plays the most beautiful and entertaining football. Nevertheless, I think that after their ordeal at the hands of Barcelona last year, they must have found some new respect for the Barcelona team, and are not likely to approach this crucial encounter with exaggerated confidence. That does not mean however that Arsene Wenger and his boys  will not give their very best in trying to prove to the world that they can beat any good team on any given day.

Barcelona, it has to be said, also needs to be wary of being too complacent; too self-assured of their invincibility, or too guarded. Since both teams play that free-flowing, multiple passes, gorgeous football, I expect a match filled with lots of dazzling individual skill as well as a clear demonstration of team cohesiveness. Barcelona should also not forget the rather disappointing result with Gijon last Saturday. It shows that with determination, Barcelona can still be made to draw or lose a game. The trick is to score against the Catalan Giants first and defend aggressively. Therefore Barcelona needs to exhibit a certain eagerness to show their fans that last Saturday’s match was just a slight road bump for better laid plans.

All in all, I expect a Barcelona victory. I predict that Barca will win 3-1.

Gunners Vs Blaugrana

The entire soccer world is getting ready for tomorrow’s UEFA Champions league face-off between Arsenal and FC Barcelona. Arsenal comes to this match with a lot of confidence following their consistently good performance in the EPL of late. Besides, they’ll be coming out to avenge their disgraceful loss to the Blaugrana boys in the same tournament last year. If you can remember, the gunners came to that game bragging and threatening to dunt FC Barcelona a good clattering. When they were beaten 4-1 convincingly by an unstoppable force of nature called Lionel Messi, they had to learn the hard way that when Barcelona is your opponent, there is no need for empty boasts and an exaggerated show of confidence.

Arsenal prides herself as being the team in the EPL that plays the most beautiful and entertaining football. Nevertheless, I think that after their ordeal at the hands of Barcelona last year, they must have found some new respect for the Barcelona team, and are not likely to approach this crucial encounter with exaggerated confidence. That does not mean however that Arsene Wenger and his boys will not give their very best in trying to prove to the world that they can beat any good team on any given day.

Barcelona, it has to be said, also needs to be wary of being too complacent; too self-assured of their invincibility, or too guarded. Since both teams play that free-flowing, multiple passes, gorgeous football, I expect a match filled with lots of dazzling individual skill as well as a clear demonstration of team cohesiveness. Barcelona should also not forget the rather disappointing result with Gijon last Saturday. It shows that with determination, Barcelona can still be made to draw or lose a game. The trick is to score against the Catalan Giants first and defend aggressively. Therefore Barcelona needs to exhibit a certain eagerness to show their fans that last Saturday’s match was just a slight road bump for better laid plans.

All in all, I expect a Barcelona victory. I predict that Barca will win 3-1.

Beauty’s Deadly Butt

 

Claudia Aderotimi

In which we read the tragic and lethal consequence of vanity and superficiality:

 

Nigerian born British wannabe hip-hop star, Claudia Aderotimi, died after an illegal cosmetic implant to enhance her bottom went tragically wrong. The university student, 20, flew to Philadelphia, US, for silicone jabs to increase the curve of her buttocks.

But Claudia, of Hackney, East London, suffered chest pains after the injections and died in hospital. US cops are investigating. She wanted the jabs because she thought having a bigger bottom would make her FAMOUS, heartbroken pals say. Claudia was desperate to transform her image with cosmetic surgery so she could appear in music videos.

Friends revealed her confidence had dipped after she was dropped from a previous promo because her “booty” was too small. But the £1,000 procedure, carried out in a budget Philadelphia hotel, ended in disaster when Claudia suffered agonizing chest pains and died.

As if there were not a good number of vain and superficial Nigerian women, here comes a tragic and arresting case. Apparently, Nigerian women are not going to play second fiddle to women everywhere where plastic surgeries are concerned. You would have thought that if African women were going to spend a fortune in the service of their vanity, they might perhaps work on things like fixing crooked noses, straightening crooked teeth, removing unsightly moles etc. You may not have guessed that there are African women out there going to get elective surgeries to enhance what Negro women were usually blessed with on average above their racial compeers.

But that’s precisely where we are now—Nigerian women going for cosmetic surgeries to make relatively okay-looking or perhaps slightly better than average hindquarters LARGER; making relatively normal-looking or slightly bigger breasts even BIGGER; making relatively average or slightly fuller lips even more rounder, firmer and fuller. And so on and so forth. No wonder the beauty industry is a mega billion dollar per year business.

Now, I am not even compelled to attempt to focus some light on the fleeting standards of beauty, and how the sights on television help to reinforce a Eurocentric standard. I am not even pushed to attempt some jaundiced and ill-informed speculation about the psychological status of this celebrity huntress. If anything, I am more annoyed at the wanton carelessness displayed by this vain video vixen. She is a student, but somehow, she could spare a thousand pounds (roughly $1600) to make her butt bigger. Not every 20 year old international student in Britain can afford to jet out to the US with a thousand pounds for a cosmetic procedure, but could this money not have been put to better use?

How come she couldn’t seek the counsel of her parents or well-wishers before embarking on this radical idea? Perhaps a few friends might have dissuaded her since it’s a well-known fact that women often judge themselves harsher than others. If a padded trouser gave her what she wanted and created a credible illusion to other unfamiliar with her, why would she choose to go under the knife? So why would she choose to have this potentially life transforming major elective surgery in a hotel room of all places instead of a proper hospital environment?

If we can remember, Miss Stella Obasanjo also died on the operating table while getting a tummy tuck. There are countless other women who have become partially maimed or permanently disfigured in what little way or the other—all painful reminders of a foolhardy obsession with youth and beauty. I just wish people would learn to live with their bodies the way they are if they are not already disfigured or impaired.

Ladies, especially Nigerian ladies, quit disgracing yourselves with this stultifying preoccupation with ephemeral beauty, fleeting fashion and invasive plastic surgery.

Beauty's Deadly Butt

Nigerian born British wannabe hip-hop star, Claudia Aderotimi, died after an illegal cosmetic implant to enhance her bottom went tragically wrong. The university student, 20, flew to Philadelphia, US, for silicone jabs to increase the curve of her buttocks.

But Claudia, of Hackney, East London, suffered chest pains after the injections and died in hospital. US cops are investigating. She wanted the jabs because she thought having a bigger bottom would make her FAMOUS, heartbroken pals say. Claudia was desperate to transform her image with cosmetic surgery so she could appear in music videos.
Friends revealed her confidence had dipped after she was dropped from a previous promo because her “booty” was too small. But the £1,000 procedure, carried out in a budget Philadelphia hotel, ended in disaster when Claudia suffered agonizing chest pains and died.

As if there were not a good number of vain and superficial Nigerian women, here comes a tragic and arresting case. Apparently, Nigerian women are not going to play second fiddle to women everywhere where plastic surgeries are concerned. You would have thought that if African women were going to spend a fortune in the service of their vanity, they might perhaps work on things like fixing crooked noses, straightening crooked teeth, removing unsightly moles etc. You may not have guessed that there are African women out there going to get elective surgeries to enhance what Negro women were usually blessed with on average above their racial compeers.

But that’s precisely where we are now—Nigerian women going for cosmetic surgeries to make relatively okay-looking or perhaps slightly better than average hindquarters LARGER; making relatively normal-looking or slightly bigger breasts even BIGGER; making relatively average or slightly fuller lips even more rounder, firmer and fuller. And so on and so forth. No wonder the beauty industry is a mega billion dollar per year business.

Now, I am not even compelled to attempt to focus some light on the fleeting standards of beauty, and how the sights on television help to reinforce a Eurocentric standard. I am not even pushed to attempt some jaundiced and ill-informed speculation about the psychological status of this celebrity huntress. If anything, I am more annoyed at the wanton carelessness displayed by this vain video vixen. She is a student, but somehow, she could spare a thousand pounds (roughly $1600) to make her butt bigger. Not every 20 year old international student in Britain can afford to jet out to the US with a thousand pounds for a cosmetic procedure, but could this money not have been put to better use?

How come she couldn’t seek the counsel of her parents or well-wishers before embarking on this radical idea? Perhaps a few friends might have dissuaded her since it’s a well-known fact that women often judge themselves harsher than others. If a padded trouser gave her what she wanted and created a credible illusion to other unfamiliar with her, why would she choose to go under the knife? So why would she choose to have this potentially life transforming major elective surgery in a hotel room of all places instead of a proper hospital environment?

If we can remember, Miss Stella Obasanjo also died on the operating table while getting a tummy tuck. There are countless other women who have become partially maimed or permanently disfigured in what little way or the other—all painful reminders of a foolhardy obsession with youth and beauty. I just wish people would learn to live with their bodies the way they are if they are not already disfigured or impaired.

Ladies, especially Nigerian ladies, quit disgracing yourselves with this stultifying preoccupation with ephemeral beauty, fleeting fashion and invasive plastic surgery.

Kidnapping Oyibos

The plan was very simple: Kidnap a pair of foreign nationals working in the country. Then next, you try to negotiate a fat lump sum of money from the friends and well-wishers of the kidnapped for their safety. Of course, there is always the implied threat that if the countries or the multinational corporations that employed these foreign nationals fail to cough up the ransom money, the kidnapped would be executed.

But you need to treat your captives humanely, don’t you? You need to make sure they are not being tortured or under heavy duress, because doing so would raise the profile of a simple and ordinary grab-and-swap to something of a grave international public relations fiasco. And then Nigeria would have to send in seriously armed men to finish you and your crew. You need to keep your operation small, tactical and efficient. Don’t kidnap too many people at once. Don’t over-negotiate. Don’t invite public  scrutiny and above all, try to make sure it involves as little blood-letting as possible (after all, you are a business man not a barbarian, right?)

Well, that’s what AY and Mike, two cash-strapped and desperate novice kidnappers, thought when they kidnapped these two foreign expatriates  living and operating in Nigeria for a while and decided to collect a fat ransom on their heads. See how it turns out.

Kidnapping Oyibos

The plan was very simple: Kidnap a pair of foreign nationals working in the country. Then next, you try to negotiate a fat lump sum of money from the friends and well-wishers of the kidnapped for their safety. Of course, there is always the implied threat that if the countries or the multinational corporations that employed these foreign nationals fail to cough up the ransom money, the kidnapped would be executed.

But you need to treat your captives humanely, don’t you? You need to make sure they are not being tortured or under heavy duress, because doing so would raise the profile of a simple and ordinary grab-and-swap to something of a grave international public relations fiasco. And then Nigeria would have to send in seriously armed men to finish you and your crew. You need to keep your operation small, tactical and efficient. Don’t kidnap too many people at once. Don’t over-negotiate. Don’t invite public scrutiny and above all, try to make sure it involves as little blood-letting as possible (after all, you are a business man not a barbarian, right?)

Well, that’s what AY and Mike, two cash-strapped and desperate novice kidnappers, thought when they kidnapped these two foreign expatriates living and operating in Nigeria for a while and decided to collect a fat ransom on their heads. See how it turns out.